Reflection

Luke 12:25-26
And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest?

This was part of the reading today at church.  A lot of times I feel as though I worried my husband to death.  I didn’t mean to cause him any anxiety but often I did anyway.  I was so worried about his health.  I was so worried about how to take care of him. He saw all of that.  My anxiety didn’t exist in a vacuum. My husband was my best friend.  He was with me most of the day and he saw how stressed I was.  Just like I felt like a failure for not being able to take care of him he felt the same about me.  He used to tell me over and over again to trust God who promised to take care of us.  I was still anxious as if that could hold everything together.  And with all of that worry between the two of us he still died at 45 years old.  I couldn’t change a thing.

Part of me wants to scream that this is important so of course I should be worried.  I should worry because…  Why?  I worry because almost nothing is in my control.  I worry because part of me isn’t sure if God really loves me so I hold onto fear.  I worry because I think I know better.  The reason I wanted to join a convent isn’t because I thought I was holy.  I know just how weak my faith is and I am a coward.

To put it in the most blunt terms, sometimes I desire to be a god.  That is the most arrogant and awful desire I have.  Unfortunately, it’s a thought many people have but never articulate.  It is so easy to fall prey to the desire to be a little god and control everything.  We think we know better so we refuse to trust God.  This can all manifest in terrible doubt, anger and anxiety.  This arrogance can manifest in the belief that we can control the most dangerous situation because we are just that good.  There is one major flaw with all of this.  We are all just flawed humans.  I can’t control when I will die anymore than I can will ten million dollars into my bank account.  Worrying about either won’t make a difference.

I have a dream that occurs at random intervals.  The details are always the same.  In the dream I die.  It is always dark and there is always music.  It is a perfect song that I can not describe in any terms.  I know there is light there where the song is but I can’t see it.  There is always a voice (that isn’t a voice) in the darkness.  The voice tells me that as long as I believe I am a god I will never hear that music again.  Then, I wake up.  It doesn’t matter why this dream happens (subconscious thoughts or random firings of neurons).  I am just thankful for it.

What I’m saying seems harsh to some people.  However, it is all the same reminder.  The first part is that I can not save myself and attain perfection any more than I could add to my husband’s life through the magic of anxiety.  The second part is that God does love us.  He sent Jesus to die for us so we can have eternal life.  I am redeemed through Christ’s death and through Christ I will see my husband again.  No matter what happens to this body that future is secure.

All of this doesn’t mean I won’t worry again.  It is likely that anxiety will trouble me all of my life.  I will sin again in many ways.  I will need more reminders throughout my life.  I give thanks that I can repent and receive forgiveness.    I give thanks that I will not be swallowed by that arrogance, doubt and fear.  I give thanks for God’s mercy and love.  I also give thanks for songs that remind us of this love.

I am alone now.  There is no one in my life who would know my wishes should something happen to me.  Granted, I’m in my 30s so unless something happens that is unlikely to happen for about 45 years.  Still, things do happen and this life will come to an end.  Having now been on the decision making end I know how painful it is.  Even when you know the person so well that you feel like one soul in two bodies it’s hard.  You want to finish the last jobs and responsibilities as that person would have wanted and not always in a way that makes sense to you.  Even being married we have our own hobbies and separate accounts for all sorts of things.  So, I have put together a list of things to do before you die so to ease the burden for the people responsible for wrapping up your life.  All of this feels morbid when you are writing it up but I can not tell you how hard it is for your spouse or family to think straight while grief stricken.

1. Get a will.  Even if you don’t have anything to give away this will help because there is no other way to deal with Paypal.  (Yes, I am still dealing with them.)  In all seriousness, having a will if you are not married is the easiest way to deal with everything and keep people from fighting.  If you are married most states have laws in effect which make the spouse the automatic beneficiary of everything.  Remember that probate is long and expensive and people will be hurting while going to court.

2. Plan your funeral or at least how you would like your remains dealt with and write it down.  Keep it somewhere safe but accessible.  Most people don’t care all that much about how their funeral is conducted.  That’s true for me and it was true for my husband.  However, when people love you they want to give you the funeral you would have wanted.  Even knowing that a funeral or memorial service is for the living doesn’t quite make that feeling go away.  It doesn’t need to be an elaborate plan but decide whether it’s cremation or burial, if you would like a certain denomination of church and maybe some music.  That takes a lot of the burden from your loved ones of wondering whether they made the “right” decision.

3. Write down your passwords and keep them somewhere safe.  I mean all of the passwords.  You obviously don’t want this where it can be stolen in case you are robbed but this is important.  People often don’t realize how their online accounts are tied to other financial accounts.  It is best to close everything when possible.  That way an email account can’t be hacked and used to get into the person’s Amazon account and use their Paypal account.  Even when debit cards, credit cards and bank accounts are closed there is generally an offer for an Amazon card or a Paypal “pay later” option.  The person responsible for your estate will then be responsible for that hassle.  And be sure to write in your will specifically about Paypal.  Paypal will want to see that.

4. Take pictures.  My husband hated pictures of himself.   I understood that since I feel the same way.  It’s different when you can’t see that person anymore.  I don’t have a strong visual memory anyway and I am afraid of forgetting him.  Let people take your picture.  (Just ask that they not post it anywhere.)

5. Figure out how to deal with a collection.  My husband was a collector.  He wasn’t a hoarder.  I mean he had a collection of rare items.  He told me to sell them off if something happened.  I appreciate that because now I don’t have the guilt or feel the need to hang on to every single piece.  If you do collect stuff you might want to take it a step further and leave a plan for how to deal with it.  Some things make sense to sell on Ebay but other items don’t work there or are very expensive and should go to an auction house.  Don’t expect your loved ones to know the difference between something priceless and junk.

6. Have your spouse on the bills and have a joint checking account.  Most spouses have a joint checking account but for a few years my husband and I didn’t.  It wasn’t out of animosity but it was the way things worked out.  A joint checking account means there are more funds available.  I was not named on a couple of the utilities when he died.  Again, not out of animosity but because my husband worked from home most of the time and just signed everything himself.  Most utilities are pretty easy to deal with.  People die and they have a procedure to either close the account and get one in your name or transfer responsibilities.  However, remember that this is one more thing your spouse needs to do when they are already not thinking quite straight.

7. Don’t be a dick and deal with your problems when you are alive.  If you have problems in your marriage deal with them.  Your spouse will read your journal.  Your spouse will find out if you signed up for cheating websites.  I found out a few days after my husband’s funeral that he flirted with someone online.  He had also written about it in his journal (that he felt it was wrong but still).  I ripped those pages out and burned them.  I nearly torched the whole journal.  Why?  Because I was already insecure, angry and terrified without him.  Add to that any possibility that maybe he didn’t really love me and I just went nuts.  Thankfully, this was an example with no basis for those insecurities.  Imagine if there really was something going on.  I can not begin to tell you how almost insane with grief a person can feel when losing a spouse.  If you are a liar you will be found out eventually and your spouse will be left in the deepest confusion, anger and fear.  All of your issues will be magnified and given to your spouse when you die.  Deal with your life while you are living it and get help if you need it.

8. Tell your loved ones that they are loved.  If you can write down a message for people you love.  You will not believe what a difference that makes.  This isn’t an excuse to not love people while you live.  You can’t be a complete jerk and then leave someone a note saying that you feel the opposite of your actions.  Love people while you are alive too.

9. Understand that all of this is morbid and most people don’t want to talk about it.  My husband and I joked about death sometimes.  Those jokes make me feel bad now and I hope he never believed for a moment that I was serious.  We never did talk about how either of us would want every arrangement handled even though he had heart trouble in the past.  It’s so hard to think of ourselves as mortal.  No one wants to think about losing someone or losing their own life.  But it is going to happen.  If you can afford to get an attorney that is a great option since it is legal and you don’t need to put your loved ones through the hassle.  If you can’t afford an attorney then take some time to write some stuff out and just keep it somewhere safe.  Then, after you are finished writing, go and hug the people who love you.

Congratulations if you caught the Yes reference.

People think that because I am in public and look very calm even happy at times that I am not sad.  That isn’t the case.  I cry an insane amount by myself (which is the only way I can cry), I feel guilty, I get angry at myself and angry at my husband.  The strangest thing is that all of this isn’t bitter.  Yes.  I miss my husband more than I could have ever imagined.  However, I know I will see him again.  I do feel guilty and I know I wasn’t always the best wife.  However, I can confess my imperfection and receive forgiveness in Christ.  So, while all of these emotions suck terribly I also have peace.

Do you know what can challenge that peace and make me want to be vindictive?  Paypal.  I don’t want to advocate fraud but it would have been much easier to pretend I was my husband (since I have his password) and close the account myself.  But then they can prosecute you for that fraud.  Let me first tell you want I wanted Paypal to do.  All I want them to do is close my husband’s account which has a $0.00 balance so that people can’t accidentally send him something or try to withdraw something.  They won’t do that without a copy of his will or proof that I am the executor of his will (which is pretty much the will).

Not everyone has a will.  It is generally the law that unless there are strange circumstances everything simply moves to the surviving spouse when there is no will.  This involves probate court and you will be named by the court as the whatever they call it.  If you die without a will and the assets (property, bank accounts, cars, etc) that are not jointly held or have a named beneficiary are less than $50,000 you do not go through probate court.  The surviving spouse can simply fill out a small claims affidavit, which is a notarized document.  That’s it.  You are done.  It has been almost 4 months and every single government agency, financial institution, lending agency and utility company accepts this since it is the law.  Most ask me to prove that he is dead and I am me.  I have filled out a couple of affidavits.  That isn’t a big deal.  Even the taxes, which have frustrated me, at least have options to help a person out and try their best to be understanding.

Paypal does not play by the law even if you are not trying to get money from them.  Let me say that again.  I am not trying to claim anything.  I want the account of my dead husband closed.

I contacted Paypal customer service yesterday. (On a side note I am beginning to truly hate the automated electronic voice system. “Hmmm…  That doesn’t fit the choices I made you sit through.  Let’s try again.  Say: I want to pay my bill or can you please just get me to a customer service agent so I can talk to someone.”) I told the guy the situation.  I faxed to Paypal his death certificate, our marriage certificate and my driver’s license.  He is dead.  I am his surviving spouse.  I am who I am.  I figured if anything since they are an out of state agency they might ask for the affidavit.  Nope.  They emailed me this morning.  They want his will and no substitutions.  Also, they will not close his account they will transfer it to my name. I never asked them to do that.  I called customer service again and they said that is what they will do and what they want and there are no substitutions.  Oh, and the acknowledge that I have his password and asked that I get into his account and upload files.  So, they obviously have no issue with me being in his account where I could transfer all of that imaginary money anyway.

This would not piss me off so much except that my husband had a Paypal debit card solely in his name that I paid off and cancelled easily.  That agency first demanded that I pay them.  Fine.  It was his debt, it was linked to a joint account and in AZ the spouse is liable for most of the husband’s debt upon death.  (Except student loans.  Thank God!)  For Paypal, there is an incredible double standard when it comes to debt and accounts.  Granted it was the right thing to do anyway but it is irksome.

So, what to do?  I can’t make a retro-active will.  I can’t go back in time and say “Pooky Bear, you are going to die soon and leave me alone so be sure to draw up a will because everything will be difficult enough without you.”  At some point, being notified of his death, Paypal will need to close his account.  I have decided to send them the affidavit.  I have also decided to send them every documentation of my life with him.  I will send them every single paper I’ve got.

I am not asking that Paypal believe me and close this account with no proof.  I am not asking them for money.  I am asking them to kindly give me a small amount of financial peace in knowing this account can no longer be used either for genuine or fraudulent purposes.  I am asking for basic decency when it comes to something many of us will face at some point.  I am asking for understanding that not everyone dies having all of their affairs in order and to understand the chaos and emotional toll that takes for the person who is now responsible for all of it.  I am not asking this of the company but of the people who create and maintain the Paypal policies.  People’s lives can not be made to fit your rules you must create rules that fit the lives of the people using your service.

If you haven’t heard they are remaking “The 47 Ronin”.  I know I’ve seen the 1941 version and I can’t remember if it was the 1958 or 1962 version that I have also seen.  Then again, maybe it’s both.  I have a fondness for these movies.  I’m a huge Toshiro Mifune, Tatsuya Nakadai, Zatoichi and Akira Kurosawa fan.  They are awesome.  So, I took a look at what they have up for the remake of 47 Ronin.

I’m not a person who says a remake necessarily needs to be a movie re-made in exactly the same way.  Sometimes a little imagination is good.  So, the remake stars Keanu Reeves and he’s not my favorite actor and there isn’t an American in the story because it was the early 1700s.  They are modernizing it? I guess.  But when the trailer got to the dragon lady I had to stop.  No.  Not a “dragon lady” as in a strong and seductive lady of some Asian descent.  I mean a lady who turns into a dragon.  I’m all for fantasy sometimes.  But when you have to change so much in your story that it’s completely different then just make your own movie and call it something else.   Sharktopus didn’t try to be Jaws and it was awesome.

All of this did remind me that I really like the older movies.  I rented Sword Of Doom today which is one of my favorites.  Because it is a 24 streaming rental I watched it a lot.  I watched the heck out of that movie.  Nakadai is amazing in the way he can state his whole character without a word.  It is also in spite of all the killing a beautiful movie if a little heavy handed on the symbolism.

As I was watching this movie I tried to think of what would happen if there was a remake of Sword Of Doom.  So, taking bits and pieces from things I like and things I don’t like I created an IMDB-like page for this imaginary movie.  I give you the remake of Sword Of Doom.

If you are interested in the spiritual adoption of a pastor contact me at art@pathologicaltruth.com.  Upon receiving your email I will send you the name of a pastor.  And if you wouldn’t like to email me please feel free to adopt a pastor on your own.

What Does It Mean To Adopt A Pastor
Paul prayed for those who were partnered with him in the Gospel (Philippians 1:3-6).  He also asked the congregations to pray for him and his workers (1 Thessalonians 1:25).
This adoption means you pray daily for the pastor you are given.  Pray for their strength, faithfulness, health and welfare.   You do not need to write to them, email them, friend them on Facebook or give them anything other than your prayers.  It also does not mean you neglect the worship of God in your own church or neglect the care of your own pastor.  This prayer is meant to be part of the vocation of the faithful in Christ.

If you are a pastor who would like to specifically add your name please contact me at the address above.  And a great thanks to the Roman Catholic Diocese of Phoenix for the idea.

I am trying to figure out the rest of my life.  I can not do what I have done.  As I have written my greatest joy (and often my greatest frustration) was supporting my husband in his ministry.  What is particularly strange right now is how people speak to me about those 14 years.  It’s almost as if they believe I married my husband in spite of his calling.  People say that now I can go on to do something else, that I am not tied to such a religious life.  Even more bizarre, they say I can date and sleep with whomever I wish.

I am who I am.  Maybe my personality is uniquely stubborn but I was who I was when I was married too.  In spite of my whining, my ego and worldly desires there is nothing more important than serving God.  Just like in spite of my tears, sorrow, grief and how much I miss my husband I am sure of God’s promise of eternal life through Christ.  The only thing that changed in my life from being single to married to single again is that I gained and then lost the one person to whom I spoke the most honestly and who knew me the best.  (More practically, my finances changed too but I can handle that.)

I married my husband because I loved him and that included his passion for teaching God’s Word.  I loved listening to him.  The discussions sparked ideas and artistic desires.  I wanted to love him and help him with my few talents.  I didn’t do it perfectly but that was my desire.  Although my vows have been fulfilled and in the eyes of the law I am no longer married to a pastor I am still who I am.  Remove my husband from a church and he would still teach God’s Word.  Remove me from him and everything important to me will still be there.  I just need time to figure out what the next step is.

It bothered me for about a few weeks when people would say these things.  Then, I thought about it.  We rarely see people as they are.  Rather we see them through the lens of our own ideals.  Additionally, people want to speak words of comfort even when they don’t know what to say.  In their own way, these people were trying to create some desire for this new (and honestly terrifying) part of life.  So, it comes out “here is what I wish for you to be excited about because it is what I would want.”

If I could have any life that I could right now it would be similar to what I had.  If I could do anything I would have a place where pastors and workers in the Church who have gone through rough times could come without fear of judgement.  It wouldn’t focus on the psychological issues but the spiritual exhaustion.  It would be served by other pastors in the area who would encourage and help these men.  It would be a place that would focus on Word, Sacrament and prayer.  It would have Bible studies.  It would give a chance in a quiet and contemplative manner for these men to remember why they loved teaching God’s Word and serving God’s people.  A chance for them to ease bitterness, anger and hear and remember that God does love them too.  It would also have a good garden so I could distill flower essences.  It would also have a couple of fiber bearing goats.  I don’t know.  I just want goats.  This thought has burned in my heart for years.  I still just don’t know how to go about it.

I am no different in substance.  I am only different in circumstance.  I am who I am.  I am a Christian.

For a few months before I found a permanent job I did a temp job in the marketing office of a retirement community.  The people who worked there were genuinely nice.  The facilities were wonderful.  They treated me as a member of the team even if it was only for a couple of months.  All in all a great experience.  Still, I was glad that it was only temporary.  The community offered comprehensive care (independent living, assisted living, memory care and skilled nursing).  The retiree was guaranteed this care and could not be turned away even if they ran out of money.  However, that meant that the marketing and sales department was constantly running the numbers.  How much money could they make or lose if a prospective resident is accepted.  Would they die before or after they ran out of money?  While I understand that it was that money that paid the salaries for all the staff, paid for the upkeep of (really nice) apartments and paid for all of the great amenities it still felt weird to talk about a person as if he or she was a basic threat assessment equation.

Why am I telling you this?  I recently lost my job.  That is not such an issue since I decided it was time to move anyway.  But when I lost my job I also lost my health insurance.  If you have lived more than 35 years then congratulations!  You probably have a pre-existing condition.  For Pete’s sake, some companies count sinusitis as a pre-existing condition.  I happen to have spondylolisthesis.  I was diagnosed when I was 15 and had two stabilizing surgeries.  Meaning, I’m not going to go to the Olympics anytime soon but I can walk, exercise and do pretty much whatever other people do.  Barring any accidents that would break all of my bones anyway I will be healthy for years to come.  But I still have spondylolisthesis.  It isn’t gone.  So, I put it down with the explanation on the application.  My rate doubled.  Screw me for being honest.

Unfortunately, this happened with my husband and it was fatal.  While he was working and insured through the church he had a heart attack.  He survived and he was actually doing pretty well at the time.  His heart was damaged and eventually he would need something more but the cardiologist was optimistic for at least 5-10 years with proper care he would be fine.  Then, the church voted to close.  We lost the insurance which would have cost us (outside of the group) about $1000/month.  The insurance that we might be able to afford either rejected him outright or inflated prices to a place we couldn’t afford.  Not only that but they wouldn’t even cover anything heart related anyway.  It was pre-existing and the most reasonable of the insurance agencies weren’t going to pay for any heart related issues for at least a year.

His cardiologist and family doctor did the best they could to load him up with the medication he would need.  But two years after not getting proper treatment he died.  My greatest regret is that my husband thought that I was worried that he didn’t make enough money.  What I worried about was making enough to insure him.  What I worried about was losing him.  I wish I would have been more clear about that.

In those two years my husband did work.  He wasn’t a lazy bum sitting around all day.  He had a side job that brought in money.  The pastors in the Phoenix area were also very generous and offered him everything they could to help his exposure.  People loved his intellect and outgoing nature.  He was so close to the point that he would have insurance again.  He didn’t sit around eating cheese fries either.  While he did gain weight after Christmas he was on track to losing it again.

Beyond his work and responsibilities to his own health my husband was generous.  He never made light of the problems the kids at church brought to him.  He never spoke down to anyone.  He was forgiving.  He hugged me every time I was scared no matter how he felt.  He was an excellent and often funny writer.  He paid the taxes on time.  He had a family, friends and people who loved him.  He wanted to care for all of them too.  He wasn’t perfect by any means but he wanted very much to be good.  All of his good qualities, any future benefit to others and the grief at his loss was not sufficient against the money that they would make off a monthly payment.  He would cost too much so it didn’t matter if he died.

I don’t know the answer to this.  I have no clue.  I’m not a financial analyst or a medical expert.  The only thing that I do know is that this isn’t right.

At times this is so unreal. It’s worse when it does feel real.  Every time I take a step to settle everything five more issues come up.  I am developing strange and pervasive fears of the outside world.  When I try to do something fun I start crying as if the sadness were a rubber band that had snapped back to place.  It’s hard to focus on anything.  All of this is very normal.  It sucks but it is normal.

I wish I was able to grieve by sitting in the dust and wailing because I feel (rightly so) that I have been torn apart. I am missing part of everything in my life. I want my husband. I miss my husband. Most of all, I want to continue to love my husband but I can’t. Love, that infernal verb, can not be done for those who are no longer here. It isn’t that I have forgotten my husband but that I simply can’t do anything for him. So, I am left with a mountain of affection and desire that will never be fulfilled. I am left with guilt and anger and sadness. I am left with grief.

I enjoyed being a pastor’s wife. I wouldn’t have married a pastor if I didn’t. I enjoyed supporting him. I enjoyed listening to him. I enjoyed helping the congregations in what ways were appropriate to my gifts. I’m not saying I always did a great job. I know I am a human being full of faults. there were many times when I was incredibly naive. However, over all, most of the days were good and in the days that weren’t good we had one another for comfort.

Since I lost my husband I am also no longer a pastor’s wife. I have lost both the good and bad of that life. There are adjustments that need to be made and some of them are tiny while others are monumental. Even the way I address a pastor is completely different.  Some people have told me to see this as freedom.  I have fulfilled my duties and I am now free to do as I please.  Great. Except that I liked what I had.  I chose that life for many reasons.  The main reason being that it is what I wanted.  The whole situation reminds me of a queen consort whose husband dies without children.  They were simply sent back home.

So, what now?  I have no idea.

There is a small acoustic party outside with a guitarist/singer who is providing the music.  I am of the opinion that if you want to be loud outside then you should live in the country.  Your neighbors probably don’t want to hear you and if you live in a city (or apartment complex) then there is a good chance that your neighbors can and will hear your music or noise.   So, either the party people don’t care or the guitarist wants the attention.  I will be operating on the latter assumption because that’s more fun.  Here is my review of the guy playing guitar really loud next door.

I had never heard the songs he was singing before.  At least I don’t believe that I have.  It is difficult to tell from inside my apartment and about 50 feet away.  I will work off the assumption that I do not know these songs and they are not simply songs that I have heard before which are being sung in some weird rendition. 

The singer (tenor) who I think is also the guitarist has quite a set of lungs on him.  His voice definitely carries.  Unfortunately, what it carries isn’t that great.  His voice is not accurate in terms of pitch.  In fact, the pitch is so wild that I expect the singer to be signed to the Mets very soon.  The whole of his artistry is concentrated on his own unique definition of “belting” the tune.  Belting is generally used to convey some melodramatic musical theater emotional circumstance (e.g., “I am dying.” “You are dying.” “They are dead.”).  Those who know anything about musical theater know that in order to belt and not be incredibly annoying the singer must have a high degree of skill and a song that is built for melodrama.  The singer does not have either of these.  The lack of skill shows in the cracking and a forced tone in the voice.  The songs are also not of the correct subject matter. The effect comes off as someone weeping over getting pepperoni on a pizza when they wanted sausage.  The singing does receive an occasional “woo” from the audience.  Normally, this would make me think the singer is at least charismatic but I can’t see the audience.  I can’t rule out the possibility that the audience is tone deaf or drunk or filled with drunken tone deaf people.

The guitar playing isn’t terrible.  The guitar is tuned properly and there are no obvious mistakes.  That being said it also isn’t terribly interesting.  The guitar is overpowered by the loud voice.  There is nothing wrong with the guitar.  There is nothing really good about it either.  It’s just sort of there.  I am vaguely impressed that he is able to get the sound to carry as far as the inside of my apartment about 50 feet away from where the guitar is playing.  On second thought, it would have been better not to have the strumming guitar chord with the singing.  At least then the problems the voice has holding a pitch wouldn’t be as noticeable.

On the whole this has been a lackluster and rather loud performance.  I would urge those who are interested in attending this summer concert series instead watch anything else on Youtube.  You can get the same quality without having to travel all the way down here.  Perhaps by next year this act will improve but I hope I’m not here to review it.

With my husband’s passing I had to post an announcement on his Facebook page that he had died.  People liked that.  At first I assumed people believed my husband was joking (although he would not in such bad taste).  As I announced the funeral arrangements people liked those also.  On my own Facebook page I told my friends (mostly people I have known for years in real life) that my husband died and some of my struggles.  My friends liked those posts.

I realize that Facebook has changed the meaning of the word “like”.  I know that there are many facebook people who put out polls that say things similar to “if you like this post you mean cats.  If you post a reply you mean the answer is pudding. If you ignore my post you are a jerk”.  I am aware that Facebook has made you believe this is the minimum interaction to say that you acknowledge the hurt and offer your support.   However, when someone posts something a death, asks for prayers for someone enduring something awful or when the poster claims they went through something horrific then liking that post isn’t appropriate. This isn’t what liking a post means.  We use the Facebook term “like” as a verb (generally with the post details being the object).  This means someone who likes a post that someone has died enjoys that post, feels favorably toward it or was wishing previously that that the post happens.

Please use the Facebook like button responsibly and ask yourself if you should say you truly like something.