The Pathological Truth Journal

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If you’ve looked at the site you might notice a distinctly monastic feel to things.  If you have spoken to me you might notice that I am a little odd.  There is a good reason for this.  Some of this will be rather random, please keep that in mind.

I grew up for the most part on the Gettysburg Lutheran Seminary campus.  My mother was a student there for fourteen years  We moved there when I had just turned five.  I grew up in extreme poverty and moved around town frequently due to housing problems.  The seminary was the constant.  I went to vigil services and early morning services.  I would hang out at the library, chapel or Valentine Hall. 

Although I have rejected the false beliefs that were taught at the seminary, there are aspects of the life that are worthwhile.  The spirit of community is important to me.  It is certainly not most important.  At the same time it isn’t simply a group of random people.  It was a group of people devoting their lives to Christ.  That has been the difference between that and other communities where I have been involved.  I was with brothers and sisters in Christ.

Gettysburg definitely had its new liturgies and modern services.  However, most of the professors loved old music.  I do mean very old.  I learned to chant properly and still can’t really sing.  When I did sing it was Schutz or Praetorius with the Schola Cantorum, although I usually played double bass for them.  I say this not to brag, because one type of music is not more important than another.  I say these things to show you why I often seem out of place.  It is because I like those old things too.  I like a good hand bell choir.  I like to hear a great organist.  I like fugues and counterpoint. 

When I was thirteen I decided I wanted to be a nun.  Of course, I am not Catholic so it was a problem.  I am still not a nun or a deaconess.  I try to serve the congregation where I worship in whatever way is appropriate.  The reason I wanted to be a nun was to continue that community and the music in my adult life.  I am amazed and rejoice when I find people who also love to learn God’s Word. 

Growing up in poverty has left me without a taste for the extravagant.  We had no television for most of my childhood.  After the initial pain of removal it didn’t really bother me.  This has left me with a talent to amuse myself with nothing.  I’m not impressed by fame.  I’m not impressed by wealth.  Granted, I would take advantage of both if they were at my disposal. 

At my core I am the same as everyone else.  I am just as much in need of mercy as someone who grew up in a crack house.  I am not more holy than you or anyone else.  I recognize my sinful nature and I am redeemed by Christ’s sacrifice.