To: The Phoenix Coyotes Marketing Department -
Dear Sir or Madam,
I wasn't exactly sure who would get this letter. Back in January and February of this year I took a trip out to Phoenix to
test the possibility of variances in sleep due to environment. My work has me travel to so many different locations that
when I get on a plane the crew says "Hey, there's World Travelling Steve Wilson, again!" And let me tell you, the weather
out there is a lot warmer than it is here. It was certainly a nice change. I'm from Selden, NY (off Middle Country Road,
right next to the Taco Bell).
While I was out there I thought about catching a hockey game. The Coyotes were playing the Sabres. It's a good thing I didn't
since the otters whose sleep patterns I was testing escaped and I had to run all over the hotel trying to catch them. I
had to ask the hotel workers for a net. Luckily, since I stayed in the Embassy Suites I knew where they would be. They
have these small canals filled with fish running through the hotel. Sure enough, that's where Lalime and Miller were.
(Lalime and Miller are the names of the otters not the hotel workers.)
After the otter fiasco I met up with my friend Jonah and told him that I was upset I couldn't make it to the hockey game. He
lived in Phoenix all his life and he had no idea what hockey is! I tried to explain that they play on ice. "You mean
the stuff you put in drinks?" That's what he said. As someone who went to Quad City Mallards games during my internship
I was shocked that he had no idea what I was talking about.
When I got back home I looked up the stats on your team and heard about your financial troubles and I think I know the problem.
You're marketing to the wrong people. You should be targeting the people who just visit Phoenix. Phoenicians (people from
Phoenix not Phoenicia) can't understand hockey at all. They've never even seen real ice. But imagine all the northerners
who go there to get away from the feet of snow at their homes. Well, those people also can't buy tickets to see the Islanders
(forget the Rangers) because they are sold out right away. Think of the people from Buffalo or Detroit. They'll never get to
see their teams play unless they watch an away game. Sure, you always want the spectators to be for your team but I think
your guys are tough enough to take it. And who knows, maybe Jonah will come with me to see a Coyotes game and learn just how
great hockey is.
On a personal note, if you could beat the Nashville Predators for me I would greatly appreciate it.
Good luck this year. I hope to hear from you soon.
World Travelling Steve Wilson